OH this call is the top dog. Seriously, kids. I'm pretty fucking sure that after I share this 54 minute delightful mother-fucking scrumpet you will tip your hats to me and just concede that I am the motherlovin bomb. No, it won't take you that fucking long to deal with it because for about Ohhhhh 30 minutes of it, the call was pretty average.
And by that I mean the woman speaking spanish to another woman on the line was calling me a stupid gringo and I can't help but wonder how the fuck she determined I'm black based on my voice.
DOES THIS MEAN I'M SO WHITE MY VOICE SHOWS IT?!
ANYWAY.
So, let's forget the fact that I do speak limited spanish. K? K. I'll spare you the whole conversation thing like I normally do because fuck it. If I have to go through -that- hell again I'm gonna bust a cap in the ass of this computer. It's new so let's not.
Plus I'm on limited time tonight as it IS Steak and BJ day. (AKA Pi day)
We signed up 3 people under her after she bitched to me, bitched to the person she was speaking with about how after regular hours we had no spanish speaking person to appease her ass. Sorry. YOU ARE IN THE US PREASEA SPEAKA DA ENGRISH.
I just lost 2 of my 3 followers posting that.
SO we have these things called bonus points. That can be used on a percentage of the products we provide. Sometimes 100%, sometimes 80%. Just depends on what size bag of shit you want to order.
Ya dig? So. I explain how those points work and how you MUST PAY TAX, SHIPPING AND ANYTHING THAT IS CONSIDERED AN OVERAGE. IT IS NOT FREE PRODUCT.
She has me place the order with all 200 of her points. YAY! That's not the real number, I'm just a lazy twat who pulled that number outta my ass. So. she tells me what she wants. I do it.
At this point I'm about to shoot myself in the foot just to go home because it's now 5 minutes before
clock out time and goddamnit I have family at home waiting on me to wreck THEIR day.
So, I tell her the total and get permission to apply the order. I tell her it went through.
Her: AH siii gooooood.
Me: Quite.
Now she asks to cash in some other reward we offer. Now, HER DISTRIBUTOR TELLS HER THAT IT'S FREE PRODUCT.
It's good for a product at like 60% off. SO she tells me to place THAT order. I do. She blesses me with permission to place it. SO I do. Points gone. poof.
THEN SHE BACKTRACKS AND TELLS ME TO GO CANCEL BOTH ORDERS AND TO PLACE ANOTHER ORDER IN ITS PLACE.
..The points are still registered on the first cancelled order.
I look at the clock. It's now 8:10. I'm LATE for punching out and getting pissed off.
Me: *Hulk smash*
Her: Ahh siii please for to of placing order for size of dog shit and monkey dung please. is free?
Me: .. no. You still are responsible for tax, shipping and difference. Cunt. *muff punt*
Her: SO... free!
Me: Hola me llamo estupida los primero! siiii me dijo que no es libre ES libre ayyyyy.
Her: SO free no?
Me: ... no.
Her: Why is no free?
Me: mmm no. no is free.
--fuck you, I know one of you assholes get that joke--
Her: Whyyyy is no free? Is free product no?
Me:... towards the percentage I explained.
Her: Hm please why not give me free?
Me: ..I'M NOT THE FUCKING CEO.
Her: Is free now for me now right?
Me: .dafuq.
Her: Is free. Good.
Me: *thanking God that it's recorded* No, ma'am it is NOT free. No free. NO LIBRE. COST DINERO.
Her: Mmm OK. I think I make order of this now.
Me: ... using the points?
Her: SI! You cancel old order make this?
Me: Mind if I place you on mute--hold while I take care of this?
Her: Si.
--I not only placed her ass on HOLD, I also placed her ass on mute and looked at the cute Joe next to me and went on a solid 5 minute rant and he laughed. So Did I. It was worth it. Then I submitted my ticket to have the order placed with the points and thank fucking god I calmed my ass down before I told her to speak english in america--
Me: I'm back. Thanks for holding.
Her: Is order now for place?
Me: yes. anything else I can help you with?
Her: Mmm no no thank you.
Me: Good! Go to he--
Her: Oh one more ting please?
Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
Her: I get pay tomorrow no? I get paid early? is given in cash check no?
Me: .. no. it's on a debit card or you can transfer funds to your bank.
Her: Oh so i get more free credits! I buy more!
Me: No. IT'S MONEY. YOU PUT IT IN THE BANK.
Her: what no free product?
Me: GHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN.
Her: Ok. I make free buy tomorrow.
Me: IT's MONEY. on credit card! that you use. to pay.
Her: Oh no is check?
Me: dafuq.
Her: So is free product money check for order?
Me: MONEY. NOT FREE PRODUCT.
Her: ... oh. is money I put in my bank?
Me: Yes.
Her: FOR free product!
Me: NO!
--Joe cute guy is lancing the veins that have burst on my neck at this point--
Her: Oh what is then?
Me: You know the credit card you use to buy groceries?
Her: OH SI!
Me: Free groceries?
Her: No. Is pay.
Me: THE FUCKING SAME YOU ILLEGAL ALIEN.
Her: I not from US.
Me: YOU DON'T SAY.
Her: I come here few month back.
Me: ...
Her: Is nice here. I no need job.
Me: dafuq.
Her: They give me credit card. Insurances for the health. Even pay for house and bill. Give money which I pay credit card to make purchase of product that you give for free.
ME: *feet on desk* GOOOOOOOD BLESSSSSSSS AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAND THAAAAAAAT I LOATHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Her: Is great not to have job no?
Me: ..this is my job?
Her: OH you servant to us!
Me: Fucking shoot me now.
Her: You open 24 hr?
Me: No we closed about 20 minutes ago.
Her: Oh I ask few more question. You no mind?
Me: of course not.
Her: Oh. Kay. I want to know.. never of minding. I go now is late grandson need sleep.
Me: FUCK YES.
Her: Thank you for help. Have nice night.
--at this point I don't recall punching out but I did. Cute guy Joe talked with me and walked me to my car. Then he headed to his and I went home. With a gallon of whiskey. That I just polished in the ten minutes it took to post this--
Fucka you.
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